I'm not your Friend.... I'm your Mother

For as long as I can remember, my mother was always telling me she was not my friend she was my mother.... many will think, as did those I shared this with, that she was cold or mean.  I admit, I didn't understand the importance of this until recently when I was teaching Junior High and carrying my first child.  This is the way of it:  I watched my students, whom I loved, walk through life talking about their parents as people who owed them something.  Some of them spoke with respect even as they complained, others were blatantly scornful of their parents, still more talked about them the way one would speak about friends... when their parent was on their side and in agreement they were kind in their words, when they had to "be the bad guy" they were rude, indignant, and enraged.  When they were in this state they said things no child should ever say about loving parents.

I began to question myself.  What would I want my child to say about me when I wasn't around?  Did I want them to speak of me as someone they feared?  Their best friend?  or someone they trusted and respected?  My mind went back to my mother's words... "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother."  Finally it clicked.  It wasn't my mother's job to be my friend.  Her job was to guide me, teach me how to be a friend, and how to make a stand, how to care for my own needs and the needs of those around me.  My mom sacrificed being pals with me in order to give me the freedom to understand the difference between authority and peers.  One might like their boss, parent, lawmakers, etc, but there is always a wall between that person and the authority - there must be in order for the one under authority to feel secure, once that line is blurred those under authority don't know where they stand... the questions set in when things go wrong as to the motivation behind the discipline... one never knows where the boundaries are.  Authority signifies an unequal relationship - one is over the other this absolutely implies a relationship in need of careful boundaries.  Friendship is the antithesis of this.  A true friendship is a peer relationship, they are equals who can say or do anything without fear of reprisal.

My daughter should always have the security of knowing who is in charge - who will handle things when they get too much for her, and who will put their foot down and set her boundaries so she can safely explore.  Friends advise... mothers guide and mold, a friend will give you the shirt off her back... a mother will give you her life's blood.  I am not my daughters friend... I am much more than that.  I am her MOTHER