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Opinions and Bullying

I am constantly amazed at how short sighted we can be to our own hypocrisy.  I mean we all say bullying and hate speech is wrong... unless of course it is directed at something we disagree with.  I see it all the time.  Someone says something controversial and everyone pig piles on them to suppress their free speech by shouting them down.  I sit here shaking my head in utter confusion.  How can I teach my children to not be bullies and still have strong opinions.  We all know that a person is a person and no matter what their lifestyle, creed, race, gender, or age they are deserving of respect.  Their rights to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness should be protected no matter what we personally think.  I love the line in "The American President" when he says "Freedom of Speech is allowing someone to say at the top of their lungs that which we would spend a lifetime attacking at the top of ours."  This is a hard concept for me.  I really don't like angry speech.  It makes me upset and sad, it riles me up.  I hear Gay people use angry talk to refute those who believe the Gay Lifestyle is wrong all the time.... OK, I get that they are hurt and offended, I even get that some of this is in response to equally angry speech.  I consider all angry speech to be a form of bullying.  We must protect the right of people to share unpopular, even ignorant opinions so that we can discuss them.  If I have a horrible opinion that is just flat out wrong you aren't going to convince me by beating it out of me, I need to be educated with kindness.  I need to feel safe enough to talk about it, how can I learn if I can't talk it out.  Shouting at me and insulting me is only going to cause me to dig in my heels and hold that opinion even closer.  It's the same with bullying.  We damn the action, but we don't deal with the issue.  Kids see us bullying all the time, we shout and yell and sometimes hit those who differ from us instead of talking.  We assume the only way we can be friends and have mutual love and respect is if we agree and approve of everything people do.  Not true.  My own mother sees some of my choices as wrong, I'm sure she would differ in how I raise my children, what I'm willing to live with, and how open I am to things she thinks are dangerous.  Does that mean she hates me?  Absolutely not.  I learn more about who my mother is, and her sweet spirit when I allow her to share her views while remembering that I don't have to adopt them.  Maybe if we all applied this in our conversation there would be less hatred of people who are "different" and more understanding of who we are and more acceptance.  It is a 2 way street.  You can not expect me to accept you for who you are when you won't accept me for who I am "close minded" as you might feel I am.

Anabelle

Well, today we learned that Anabelle has a thirty percent speech delay.  Hmmm, could be that her sister does all the talking or it could be that she has a real issue.  In an effort to circumvent the possibility of a real problem we will begin a little intervention now in hopes to remove even the possibility of a stumbling block to her education and personal growth.  I'm not usually one to worry about these things, I tend to take an "it'll all come out in the wash" approach to life, but being hearing impaired makes me a little hyper vigilant about speech and hearing development.  I'm glad I went through with the assessment anyway, even though people thought I was crazy to be concerned.  She's not delayed anywhere else... actually, she is advanced in motor skills, so I think a little intervention should put her back on track with her speech, and what a relief it will be when she starts really communicating instead of whining until I guess what the need is!  God is so good to provide us with access to things to help our kids!

Potty Training

One year ago we embarked on the wonderful world of potty training.  With great excitement (and a little trepidation) I began the arduous task of asking Eleanor if she wanted to sit on the potty.  We met with very little resistance, provided she was allowed to keep her diaper on while sitting on the potty.  After several attempts to see if she'd sit bare bottomed, she finally did!  Yay!  Eleanor went pee pee on the potty... the raptures we had... over a little purple bowl filled with urine.  We found our little genius would pee on the pot whenever we sat her upon it... or in her diaper if we didn't ask her.  Come summer we determined to try the "naked method".  So for a few weeks over the summer we let our cherub run naked about the house, and she consistently peed on the pot!  Unfortunately she left poop piles in the oddest places... like the middle of the playroom floor, surrounded by her favorite toys.  Maybe she was leaving an offering.....?  So we continued our efforts with these "offerings" occasionally cropping up.... until the night our friends came to swim.  After swimming we changed the kids  and left my Eleanor's backside bare.  My friend praised her when she caught her sitting on the potty.... and then she looked down to where my youngest was playing with her daughter... in a tributary offering to the toy gods....

After bathing the three girls thoroughly, we deftly diapered them while our husband's shampooed the carpet.  Needless to say we took a little potty training break at this point.  We have returned to the potty training, and have discovered a very exciting tidbit... Eleanor is COMPLETELY potty trained!  That is, she is potty trained provided you leave her backside completely naked.  The minute undies, diaper, or pullup touches that tush... she pees.

Sigh..... at least the offerings to the toy gods have ceased.

Who I am

This blog is a space for Moms of all shapes and sizes.  A place to share my thoughts as I navigate the strange new world of Motherhood.  I am the mother of two beautiful toddlers ages 3 and 18 months.  They are a handful, but so fun and beautiful.  The sight may explore things to do with them, but more often I will be dealing with the stresses that hit when you're already feeling overwhelmed... the mayhem if you will.  For example, I COULD talk about my three year old drawing all over my walls and windows, and her little sister with markers while I was in the shower, or about how she dumped all the sifted dry ingredients for the cookies we were making while I went to get her sister out of the fish tank, but I would rather talk about how the trash man left a big, red note on my trash bag stating "your trash has been too heavy, please fix the problem" - OK Eleanor and Anabelle... no more pooping and peeing in diapers... they are too heavy for the garbage truck!  I mean seriously.... the trash all fits in the bag with room to spare, am I supposed to use only a quarter of the bag that I paid two dollars to fill?  Perhaps my sleep deprived brain is taking this a little too personally, after all both girls are teething WITH colds AND diarrhea....  sure Mr. trash man, I'll get right on making my trash lighter so you can grab it one handed and toss it in the truck.... while I'm at it shall I solve the economic crises and broker peace in the Middle East.... I'm just saying.

I'm not your Friend.... I'm your Mother

For as long as I can remember, my mother was always telling me she was not my friend she was my mother.... many will think, as did those I shared this with, that she was cold or mean.  I admit, I didn't understand the importance of this until recently when I was teaching Junior High and carrying my first child.  This is the way of it:  I watched my students, whom I loved, walk through life talking about their parents as people who owed them something.  Some of them spoke with respect even as they complained, others were blatantly scornful of their parents, still more talked about them the way one would speak about friends... when their parent was on their side and in agreement they were kind in their words, when they had to "be the bad guy" they were rude, indignant, and enraged.  When they were in this state they said things no child should ever say about loving parents.

I began to question myself.  What would I want my child to say about me when I wasn't around?  Did I want them to speak of me as someone they feared?  Their best friend?  or someone they trusted and respected?  My mind went back to my mother's words... "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother."  Finally it clicked.  It wasn't my mother's job to be my friend.  Her job was to guide me, teach me how to be a friend, and how to make a stand, how to care for my own needs and the needs of those around me.  My mom sacrificed being pals with me in order to give me the freedom to understand the difference between authority and peers.  One might like their boss, parent, lawmakers, etc, but there is always a wall between that person and the authority - there must be in order for the one under authority to feel secure, once that line is blurred those under authority don't know where they stand... the questions set in when things go wrong as to the motivation behind the discipline... one never knows where the boundaries are.  Authority signifies an unequal relationship - one is over the other this absolutely implies a relationship in need of careful boundaries.  Friendship is the antithesis of this.  A true friendship is a peer relationship, they are equals who can say or do anything without fear of reprisal.

My daughter should always have the security of knowing who is in charge - who will handle things when they get too much for her, and who will put their foot down and set her boundaries so she can safely explore.  Friends advise... mothers guide and mold, a friend will give you the shirt off her back... a mother will give you her life's blood.  I am not my daughters friend... I am much more than that.  I am her MOTHER